Hi GateCourier, I'm SmarterChild!
I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.
I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.
May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type "skip." You can also skip any question.)
(00:51:52) Squegie: it's depressing cold, and i like to wallow in self-pity
(00:52:58) Squegie: as i sit here alone, bathed in the soft glow of a computer screen, slowly eating my leftover macaroni and cheese dinner and reflecting on past failures...
(00:53:40) Squegie: i realize that i need a soda.
(00:55:45) Squegie: so, i walk back, back to my fridge and pause. my fridge was technically a loan from my previous employer, and comes up to my waist. the fridge is small, but free. it fits in as yet another piece in a chronic pattern on settling for less because i can't get better. atop my fridge is a used microwave, purchased off of a friend who would have just thrown it out. it also is small.
(00:59:13) Squegie: the carpet that i stand upon is pink, but not by choice. my sister burned a hole in it and had it replaced by the insurance company. i have the carpet, complete with the burned in hole. i cover the hole with a throw rug from dollar general. covered i call it, like the flaws in my so called life. hidden behind a mask of perception, i shrink from daylight.
Ok, the first bot is back online. For those of you who don't know, SQBNet stands for Squegie Bot Net because of the fact we ran a bot net. With the collapse of the ircnet social structure, the botnet went away, but I continued on with the site. Now, I am getting back into bots, which are one of my favorite things on the internet. A bot is like a robot, but cooler. Some places call them user-agents, but basically a bot is a program that interacts with humans and can be designed to do things automatically. I'l explain more about bots later to the unitiated, but I just built one that you can use, right NOW.
Her name is GateCourier and she is my first AIM bot. If you use aim, add "GateCourier" to your buddy list. Send the word "help" to her and she'll explain what she can do. Currently, she can send messages to other aim users for you, and send email.
send screename your witty message here. (This will cause gc to send a message to someone else on aim. This is pretty much useless, and mostly done as proof of concept. The next one is much more interesting.)
email [email protected] your witty message here. (This will send your witty message to the email address you entered.) If you're on aim, you can now send email to people. No registration, no 20 steps, just send an email.
I'm working on more features for GC, starting with error checking. I'm also going to implement a "watch" and "seen" set that allows you to make gatecourier watch for a buddy to come online. I would like to have gc alert you when that buddy is online or offline,if desired. Also, for any buddy that gc watches, you should be able to ask "seen buddy" and gc will tell you when she last saw that person.
Also, I'm working on having gc forward email to a screenname. Sending an email to [email protected] with the screen name as the first line of the message should cause gc to im that person.
I also want to create queues and error checking, so if a buddy is offline, the message will get queued and delivered later. Ultimately, I want gatecourier to be an entire message center with messages waiting for you, an outbox, etc. (I will also have sqbnet specific hooks like view rant and post rant available).
(14:29:11) Gilformen: i'm not a dork elf!!
(14:29:17) Gilformen: error: dark
(14:29:28) Squegie: rofl
Have you ever thought about when someone says rofl? I mean, they can't be literally rolling on the floor. How would they type? It woudl be tricky that's for sure. You'd need a wireless keyboard.
This statement that someone told me would work because they aren't rolling: wow i'm definetly like on the floor laughing with that one.
"...investigators say the deceased was on "aim" a popular online chat program, when she started to "rofl", which means rolling on the floor lauging. Unfortunately, she got tangled in the cord and ended up "rofc" which means rolling on the floor choking.
You know what's great about being me? The fact that I am listed as a cache administrator on at least one caching server that I don't maintain. I have contacted that administrator about this several times, but for one reason or another, I remain the administrator of record. This doesn't really bother me too much though, and every once in a while, I get an email like this:
Subject: what does this mean?
can't seem to retrieve http://www.pcusa.org/today/passion/inex/htm
-or-
Subject: error
Hi,
I don't know why they gave me your email address. I'm trying to reach site www.truaxtreasurer.com. They tell me domain doesnot exist. I got this right out the magizine we get. Gary
Subject: addresss
Why can't I reach this address? It was in the Altoona Mirror just today.
wwwbestwindowsintown.com
And I (being the sick bastard that I am) help these people. (The answers are: "site's slow, seems to be dns problems", "that site doesn't exist, the magazine is wrong", and "how about tyring www.bestwindowsintown.com instead?". The only one that wrote me back was the bestwindowsintown.com person, and they appreciated my efforts.).
This got me thinking... perhaps I could start a url assistance program? Then, I thought about it, and I realized it might be better if I wrote a program that integrated with the web browser and used advanced searching techniques to help the user find the web site they're looking for. I can even put a hook in it so that I can sell ad space and give the program away for free. It's totally ingenious and completely original.
Also, while I'm at it, I also realized that most people won't be actively seeking out such a program, so I should find ways to entice the end user to install the program without realizing that they are doing so. That way, they can transparently benefit from my efforts AND targeted advertising geared towards the end-users specific needs.
I am a genius.
Ok, now it's saying "save password", "connect automatically" or "work offline."
Do you have 1 phone line, or 2?
She only has 1 line.
Ok, so when we hang up, go ahead and hit connect.
Do you want me to click off that x?
No. Your computer is ready to go, so when we hang up, hit connect.
Should I do anything now?
No. Your computer is ready to connect to the internet. It can't do it now because we're on the phone and you'll get an error saying no dialtone.
Oh, well it has these globes spinning around up in the corner, does that mean anything to you?
Yes, it means that it is trying to get a page, but is waiting for you to connect.
So I should click those off then, right?
No. Don't click anything off.
So you don't want me to clear anything off then?
Right, all you have to do when we hang up is hit connect.
Do you want me to do that now?
NO! Wait until we hang up.
Oh, ok. I'll hang up and try that. Thank you.
You're welcome.
Ok, display name is going to be her name.
Should I type that in now?
Yes. And then hit next.
silence
Um... did you hit next?
It's asking for my email.
Type your email into that box.
Ok.
after a pause ...and hit next.
My incoming mail server is a "P" "O" "P" "3".
It certainly is. Now, in both of the boxes below, type "mail.domain.dom"
Ok.
Hit next.
I don't have a next. The one box is still empty.
Put "mail.domain.dom" into the outgoing box.
Ok.
...
...
Hit next.
I did.
Do you see where it says "account name"?
Yes.
Type your account name in there.
Ok.
Now, do you see where it says "password"?
Yes.
... Type your password in there and hit next.
*the rest of the call was pretty much unremarkable"
My life in a nextel minute:
Date?
Boyfriend
Done.
Don't let the spiders crawl up beside us...
They want to bite us,
Inject the virus
