173

I kind of ranted in haste about something that was troubling me without really giving the other person a chance to talk to me. I forgot today was Friday so I thought that they were ignoring me when I didn't get a call early this morning. Oops. Another apology from me.

This morning I woke up with a lot of clear thinking about a bunch of things. Some things are still tangled in my mind, some things were revealed to me that has made some simple things more complex, and some complex things more simple. Since I'm talking about specific people that read this site, I can't get more specific (at least not until I talk to them more), but I'm fine with all of it. I'm hoping to figure out what I want to do about a few personal situations after this weekend. I'll just say that there is one person that I am close to that is very much like me, but we have issues. Then there is another person that I have no issues with, but is very much not like me. I'm not talking about a question of choice, like I'm trying to make a decision, just that I feel like I somehow have placed myself into the center of a very bad situation that up until recently had absolutely nothing to do with me. I am almost certain that someone is going to get hurt and I will be at least partially responsible.

172

So let's see... a lot has happened, but little has been said. First off, moved the website to a different server, one that I have better confidence in (connectivity wise). I have not collected a drop of unemployment, not now, not ever. I am still living in a hole in the wall, still living on sandwiches, pasta, and handouts, but I am living and paying my bills. It has been over 6 months since my last paycheck of any kind (with no savings to speak of). I have been living entirely off of self-employment and that speaks volumes. So for all of you that has been putting up with my constant drone of not having enough money, thank you for being there for me and for bearing it. I am going to stop complaining, stop whining, and deal with it. If I go off track on this resolve, feel free to snap at me, yell at me, hit me, whatever. Remind me that I am where I am because of the choices I made, and I have had more than my share of good fortune fall my way. Of course, I really can't take any credit, God put it all together for me, I just follow His lead.

Ok, so I think I'm evented out for right now. October 22nd was Scott's wedding reception (no pictures), the 28th was a Halloween party in Altoona (still waiting on the pics), the 29th was a Halloween bash in Baltimore (ask for link), the 30th was Emma's party (same statement). During that weekend, I met this chick named April who has reminded me that I haven't even mentioned her on this site yet, but I have a song about her friend Kristin. That being said, the next weekend on the 5th, I celebrated my 230rd birthday (pics) with the aforementioned Kristin. Today is the actual b-day of that celebration.

Friends April and Ali (both met at the Halloween bash) will be coming up tomorrow, and staying to movie night on the 13th. April is coming up to see me, and claims I don't have to come up with activities to entertain her, but Ali on the other hand was somehow conned by April to drive her up here, and I am taking it upon myself to show these two a fun time in the wilds of PA. I will most likely fail, but exhaust myself in the effort (There is nothing to be raising eyebrows about!). Then, the 13th is of course, the great movie night.

Do I get to rest after that? Hopefully. However, the 24th is Thanksgiving, and the 25th is comedy night, and who knows what might happen next? I need a vacation from myself.

Referring back to a rant some time back, I quote "dating is a stupid way to get to know someone". It turns out that is truer than I expected. Discussing this with a collection of people across the globe, I think that
"courting" is the way to go. In courting, when you find the one that you're interested in, you do everything with them with a group of friends. You never truly know someone unless you know their friends, family, and how they all interact together. If you're going to committ to someone, you're committing to their life and them to yours, and that is bigger than two people. Some may read this and think I'm talking to/about them, but this isn't aimed at anyone in particular. This is just something I am going to do when I get to that point.

Also, if I've ticked anyone off recently (yes, I'm talking to you), it wasn't my intention to, so I apologize. I'm doing the best I can with my circumstances, and if that's not good enough, then there's not much I can do about that. Maybe it's something I can correct, but if you don't tell me, I can only guess and speculate and come up with ideas that are probably wrong. Maybe I can't correct it, maybe I might choose not to, but you'll never know unless you talk to me about it.

Some other people I know need to grow up and start making promises they can keep, face up to those that they couldn't, and just deal with it.

Ok, now I must go with friends to visit their friends.

171

Still no time for an update, but I figured I'd write down some songs I had made up during recent car trips.

Your Minions
best sung by a lot of burly guys in a bar holding beer mugs
We've got your back!
We packed a snack!
We're on your side!
(Some of us run and hide.)
We're your minions!
We support your every decision!
We have no opinions!
Cause we're your minions!

A girl named Kristin
Originally done as a rap song, can easily work as a country song, a pop song, or even a folk song
Stop, sit back and listen.
I got a story to tell about a girl named Kristin
I met her on the singlec
It's a site for Christians
like you and me.
I'm not the one she was looking to find.
But we still hang out all the time,
crossing the state line.
I think this line mostly filler
but the way giggles
she's a depression killer
I know this rhyme isn't refined
But it's all I could think of in such short time.

And this one isn't a song, or even a proper rhyme, just something I came up with as an away message one time:
"Full speed ahead, arms up, crashing through the gate,
splinters flying, the world at my feet, living by faith,
surviving through grace, nothing in my way...
anyone want to come along for the ride, stand by my side?"

168

Here we are several months home now. My evil twin is no longer "freeloading" at my place currently -- he has gotten himself employed again. My shop has paid its own bills and occasionally paid for things like food and gasoline. However, it isn't paying everything. I am considering my options at this point. I may have to take that unemployment I've held off on getting. On one hand, I've always wanted to get the business going on its own steam, but right now it (and me) needs a serious infusion of cash -- all of the extra money has been going into building the cafe, and currently development in that direction has stalled completely. I guess that in reality, I've been paying into unemployment since I was 16, so taking some of that back in order to save my business isn't so bad... it still feels like a cop-out however. Over the last 3-4 days, there really hasn't been any need to get out of bed -- business usually picks up when school starts, but now it is dead. I think that higher gas prices are to partly to blame. How am I supposed to funnel money from the wicked to just if none of it is coming my way?

On a more personal note, I have put my overal social/dating life on hold for the time being. I have my "core" of friends, my click, my knuckles that I see regularly, but the act of going out, meeting new friends, and dating is getting put on the back burner. I'm starting to wonder if there actually are any single Christian women near my age in the area. I am a single-white Christian male that practices abstinence, which puts me in a very small minority it seems. As I look around at women my age, I mostly come across one of the "nons". Non-single, or non-Christian, or non-childless. I don't have anything against children, but I am waiting till marriage to have sex. My partner needs to have that same commitment, to understand and respect that. I have it on good authority and dating experience that a born-again virgin is even rarer than an actuall virgin. They may say that they're going to wait this time, but the invitation is out there.
So I'm a bit picky when it comes to women. I have this thing for smart, attractive Christian women that share some of my ideals. I've decided that I am too picky to be going out and looking for a match... I will bide my time and wait for one to enter my life.

169

i drove to your house
we hopped into the car
i turn the key and we go
we went to the park
we had ice cream and
talked of things of then
and things yet to come
the sun was shining
the kids were rollerblading
music was playing
or so they were saying
is this day a cliche
or is it the truth we seek
where do we go from here
is this something new
or have i been here before
do i take that leap
or play it safe
am i moving forward
or leaving everyone behind
but here we sit at the park
and i guess no more
just another moment
and another moment more
and just a little more
the world can wait
we will remain

167

I have been having serious problems connecting to this site from my dsl connection, hence the lack of updates. However, I figured I should throw some stuff out here.

  1. The layout and design of this site sucks. It may have been a cool thing several years ago , but errors and mixed formatting on code are becoming seriously dated. W3C has nothing on this site. Expect an entire site overhaul soon.
  2. I have now fully moved into the shop. Some people have a home-based business, well I have a business based home.
  3. I was looking back to nearly 3 years ago on rant number 28 about when I removed the computer from my house and talked about getting rid of my cell phone. Well, the opposite has occured. I have gotten rid of my cell phone, but have a computer practically anywhere I go. I'm going to try this out for the next 6 months or so, and I might not be getting one again.
  4. I am now living off of unemployment and income from the shop, which is to say that I am living entirely off self-employment earnings. The last time I got an official paycheck from anyone was April 29th. So if I'm not spending money on gas to come up and visit you, or going out to the movies, or stopping at the local burger joint as often as I used to, it's not because I don't want to. It's just every single cent counts so much more now than it ever did before in my life, and I expect this to remain for a few more months until the pace picks up.

166

(19:41:18) Abellbubba... unknown: hi
(19:41:18) Squegie  :  doing work around the shop... later
(19:41:49) Abellbubba... unknown: o.....k
(19:47:56) Squegie: hi
(19:49:49) Squegie: i'm afraid i don't know who you are
(19:50:30) Abellbubba... unknown: im ALEX
(19:50:54) Abellbubba... unknown: helo
(19:51:04) Abellbubba... unknown: luigi
(19:51:14) Abellbubba... unknown: ?
(19:51:16) Abellbubba... unknown: ?
(19:51:18) Abellbubba... unknown: ?
(19:51:20) Abellbubba... unknown: ?
(19:51:22) Squegie: back
(19:51:29) Abellbubba... unknown: hie
(19:51:47) Abellbubba... unknown: who are you
(19:51:52) Abellbubba... unknown: ?
(19:52:04) Squegie: john
(19:52:12) Abellbubba... unknown: oooooooooooooooooooooh
(19:52:21) Abellbubba... unknown: poop
(19:52:37) Squegie: hmmm... not the best reaction in the world
(19:53:09) Abellbubba... unknown: your luigi ahhhhhhhhhhh dahhhhhhh im not retarded
(19:53:29) Abellbubba... unknown: :-) bear
(19:53:45) Squegie: luigi? like mario's brother?
(19:54:10) Abellbubba... unknown: no like kid in my class
(19:54:27) Squegie: sorry.. wrong person
(19:55:00) Abellbubba... unknown logged out.

165

I AM BACK. Well wasn't that fun. While I can plan on not being deployed again, it's now time for me roll the dice and see what life has in store for me. Interesting things are bound to occur. BTW, I've put out the first issue of JHN (John Hogenmiller News) on The Source of H. How is it that I can simultaneously feel like Mr. Awesome and a looser? I've climbed rocks, jumped out of windows, been shot at, did my own taxes, dated two strippers at the same time -- from the same club, led a prayer group, out-chugged a chugger, hung drywall, hot-wired a car, sat home alone many a night, walked 3 miles barefoot through town just to say I did, got cut in a knife fight, choke-slammed a Marine, took out the trash, did laundry, and wear open-toe sandals. Just who am I?